Speeches from Aptos Service

We have been receiving some requests for the speeches from Kevin's memorial service to be posted on the blog. For those of you who are interested, please see them below. First is what I said, followed by Dad, then by Kathlin. For those of you who were at the service, thank you so much for attending. For those of you who couldn't make it, we're thrilled that we can still keep you in the loop with the blog. It has been such a great way to spread information, stories and memories about Kevin. I will be leaving the site up as a web-based memorial to Kevin, and will check it frequently to see if there have been any comments. So, feel free to continue sharing memories or thoughts as time goes by. I may post reflections every once in a while, once I've had a bit of time to organize my thoughts and emotions. And as always, thank you to everyone for supporting our family and each other through Kevin's passing.


Stacy's Speech:

Kevin’s favorite quote was:
Live life to the fullest and don’t take anything for granted.

Kevin fulfilled his life rule. As a compulsive overachiever, I was often envious of my little brother when he was able to complete exactly the least amount of work required to get an A. While I stressed over small and meaningless details for assignments, Kevin had already compiled the larger picture, ditched the unimportant details and was filling his life with people and activities he actually enjoyed. Kevin never once showed a morsel of regret about living this way—he was living by his life rules. When I was a child, I resented him for this; he was having fun while I was stressing about school. But now, I am SO GLAD he lived his life his way.

If I learn anything from Kevin’s life and death, it’s how to live a fulfilled life. Kevin knew what he loved and poured his entire life into those things. By the time he was a Senior at Colgate, Kevin had compiled a life in which he loved every single thing he did. He was in a location he adored and part of a student body he admired and respected. Kevin enjoyed his majors so much that when he explained them, he made listeners question their own choice of major, because his sounded so interesting and applicable to real life. Kevin loved leading the club water polo team, and he was thrilled to participate on the ski team. He had found Kathlin, the love of his life. Kevin did not waste precious time on things he didn’t enjoy; there simply wasn’t room in his life for those things. With so much love for his life, Kevin truly lived life to the fullest. And, his fate drove home the message to never, ever take anything for granted.

When Kevin came home from the hospital in June, we started encouraging him to tap his foot or fingers to music as a fun form of occupational therapy. Now, to help us all in emotional therapy, I invite you all to sing or tap your foot along to the next song. You can find the lyrics to “I’ll Fly Away” on the back of your pamphlet.


Rich's Speech:

Courageous and committed.

That was Kevin on skis. I loved to ski with Kevin, as did many of you, yet only a few of us hung with Kevin when he headed for the chutes and cornices.

He called this photo of him “Full Committal”.

Several years ago, I caught up with Kevin where I usually did on a powder day, at the bottom of the mountain waiting for the chair. I rode with him up chair 6 at Kirkwood while Kevin, his close friends Joshua and Seth, debated, and then decided which ridiculously hard chute to attempt next.

Immediately Joshua shouted “KGF”.
Seth chimed in with “KGF”.

I paused, wondering as to what new ski terminology or hand held electronic I had failed to learn about. I gave up, prepared myself to get the “Oh Dad, you’re so out of it” look and asked: What’s “KGF”?

"Kevin goes first."

Ooooooh, I get it, it’s his turn?

NO, when they wanted to ski a new or difficult line off the cornice, it was “KGF”. They would follow Kevin’s line if he made it, go elsewhere if he didn’t. The comment was “If Kevin can’t make it, no one can”.

I was so proud of my son.

Well, it turns out that everybody but me knew about “KGF”.

I mentioned “KGF” to Seth’s dad Jeff a few days later. He casually said “Oh yea, it’s been ‘KGF’ forever.” Turns out a lot of the Kirkwood community had relied on Kevin to negotiate their greatest challenges for years.

For those of us here today, it is again “KGF”. Courageous and committed, with his angel Kathlin at his side, Kevin has shown us how to negotiate our final challenge.

I am so proud of my son.

KGF!


Kathlin's Speech:

Hello, I’m Kathlin, Kevin’s fiancée. First I want to thank all of you for coming here today to celebrate Kevin, and I especially want to thank all of you who helped shape Kevin into the person I grew to love so much.

Kevin and I met during our freshman year at Colgate, and we became best friends. We found that we had a lot in common, but also that we had a lot to share and teach each other.

Kevin enjoyed life to the fullest, and he had wisdom beyond his years. In our 4 years together, he passed some of that love of life and wisdom on to me: from his love of the outdoors, sports, and his studies at Colgate, to the patience he showed me when he taught me how to drive a stick shift and to ski. I fell in love with Kevin, and I benefited from both his passion for life and his care and compassion for everyone around him.

It’s important to me that you know that these are not just words, so let me give you an example. I remember a day when Kevin was hospitalized at Stanford. He was very sick and he was also sad. A woman we had never met before came into our hospital room and offered to help him with art therapy. Kevin never liked drawing or painting very much and I knew that he had no interest in it then, but he said yes and struggled mightily to paint with a right hand that he could barely control. He did that just so that he wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

Even in the depth of his despair over losing his life, he continued to be concerned about me and his family. I can’t tell you how many times after Kevin became sick that he told me that he wanted me to go on and have a good life. It always broke my heart to hear it, but I did my best to hide the tears and tell him that I would have a good life with him. Although I can’t imagine that the sadness I now feel will ever completely leave me, I know that I have to go forward and try to have the life Kevin wanted for me and, more importantly, to try to have Kevin’s grace, for that is the thing I love most about him.